0:00 – Intro Music
0:26 – Affirmation:
“I will persist until I succeed. I was not delivered unto this world in defeat, nor does failure course in my veins. I am not a sheep waiting to be prodded by my shepherd. I am a lion and I refuse to talk, to walk, to sleep with the sheep. I will hear not those who weep and complain, for their disease is contagious. Let them join the sheep. The slaughterhouse of failure is not my destiny. I will persist until I succeed.”
- Og Mandio, The Greatest Salesman in the World.
1:00 – Intro to Karen
- Aerospace engineer and pilot
- Successful corporate career, moving around the world while balancing family life.
- New Book: It’s My Time
- Helping women be successful at work in a way that lets them live life without regret.
- Enjoys having a consulting and coaching business and wanted to uplift other women so that they didn’t feel as though they had to compromise their work life for their family or their family for their work life. Wants to show women that they can have both.
4:23 – Pride
- Pride is not a sin if it’s in correlation with your value.
- It can become a bad thing if you are using it to judge others or to act as though you are better than others.
- Pride means confidence and that you are sure of what you are capable of, and what your gifts are.
- Karen is most proud of her marriage and what it’s done for her family.
5:35 – The importance of family
- We get caught up in this idea of work, and how important that is that we take for granted the relationships at home.
- We get so consumed with proving ourselves at work that there are times when our loved ones get left out. Putting home life second becomes a habit, and this can make your family feel less important to you than your work.
- Talking about how to create a balance with your family is important. Conversations are important to have with your family and your loved ones. This involves working together and listening to one another. Don’t just assume that everything is going to work out okay. Be prepared for difficulties.
- Don’t just think about yourself in the situation, think about how your work life is going to affect your family and your relationships as well. This leads to successful relationships.
10:09 – How Karen has managed her career and home life
- It’s not easy, but by putting things in place early on in marriage, Karen has been able to make things work. Having great conversations about what they wanted their futures to look like and their expectations in the marriage has helped a lot.
- Pre-marriage counselling.
- Discussing finances. It’s not my money, it’s our money. Not my decision, but our decision. Finances are one of the biggest things that break up marriages.
- Stop and think about why you’re spending the money.
- Issues about money, and why it becomes an issue is emotional value. For some people spending money is about security, for some it’s about status, and for others it’s about love, or showing people love. Some might buy gifts to show how much they care about someone if they don’t get to spend time with them.
- How do you mesh both your former existences of yourself into one?
- In more recent relationships, there is more distrust. Most couples will keep their finances separate. This can cause resentment and jealousy. If you’re in it for the long haul, you need to provide for both of you equally. Things need to be 50/50 with everything you do.
- Money conversations can be emotional. People become too focused on how everything is affecting them, and not the other person.
- Accepting that you need counselling is important. If there’s an issue, you need to get the help and resources that can help you to become a better person to resolve issues. You need to investigate yourself and your own behaviour.
- Ask your partner for what you need out of the relationship.
25:28 – Trust
- For women who have been divorced or who have dealt with failed relationships who are hard working, and very strong tend to have an issue surrounding trust, and they have a lack of trust towards men.
- This security blanket of independence can become a stranglehold on yourself. You’re putting up a wall for anyone to recognize the gift that we are. You’re not letting anyone seeing how great we are because we’re so caught up in creating barriers. This can prevent you from finding the relationship and the love that is right for you.
- You can be a strong, capable, confident woman while also being trustful, and letting people in to see who you really are as a person. You need to be able to let people in.
- Being closed off puts off an aura that gives a message that you’re wounded and needy.
- The most attractive person in a room, is the one that is willing to meet people and be open to interaction. This shows confidence and that you’re happy exactly as you are and that you don’t need anyone and aren’t looking for a specific person to fulfill them.
- Join conversations and ask questions.
- Everyone is always caught up in what people are thinking about them, and everyone has their own agenda in how something is going to benefit them. The person that doesn’t have that mindset or agenda, are the ones that people flock too because they are safer, and easier to talk to.
- Don’t put on a mask of someone that you’re not. You need to build a genuine character.
- Be “we” centric, not “me” centric. How can you help others?
33:30 – It’s My Time
- Focused on figuring out what you want.
- Being clear on what direction your heading. Not letting someone else’s opinion hold you back
- Finding work/life balance.
- Being clear on where you’re going, why you’re getting there and what is going to be the regret if you don’t get there.
- You need to develop some decision-making platforms that will keep you on the path you won’t regret.
- Learn to have boundaries and standards of how you interact with other people while maintaining your integrity and keeping you from giving over your power to another people’s opinion.
- We look at others to validate internally how we feel. It’s all about perception.
- Women are generally taught to please others and look for validation that way. Women tend to feel a lot more responsible for our circumstances and those around us more often than they care about themselves. They may feel as though they have to prove themselves to other people. Failure to recognize that saying “no” is a big qualifier for being a leader.
- The only people that we need to please are God, ourselves, and the people that mean the most to us.
- Don’t care too much about other people’s opinions. Don’t let them influence your decisions or your actions.
44:00 – Friendships, relationships and seeking help
- Our choices show up what other people view as a failure in their own.
- If someone isn’t allowing you to talk about what is going to help you, and they are just trying to push you into their space. Their trying to make themselves feel better about their own choices, because they decided not to put the work into fixing something.
- You need friends and people in your life that are going to ask you hard questions that will help you realize your faults, make you a better person, and help you resolve your problems.
- Your friends need to work with you to solve their problems.
- Family and friends may not be the best people to help you solve problems. They may bot be as objective or pointed in the conversation as you need. You may need a coach, mentor or counsellor.
- Life coaches are available to people on short term.
- There is help if you’re looking for it. If you choose to just listen to people that are only going to tell you what you want to hear, you aren’t going to really get the help you need.
- Don’t let your ego get in the way of being the first person in a relationship to accept that you need to change and ask for help. Allow yourself to be the first to apologize.
56:16 – Book Recommendation
- Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High by: Kerry Patterson and Joseph Grenny
58:33 – Outro
Den of Pride Links:
Author Link: https://blackcardbooks.com/authors/karen-m-pierce/
Gift from Karen to listeners: Book for free with cost of shipping, and time to talk with Karen personally. This can be done through her website.