SHOW NOTES – KAREN PIERCE (EP. 15)

0:00 – Intro Music

0:26 – Affirmation:

“I will persist until I succeed. I was not delivered unto this world in defeat, nor does failure course in my veins. I am not a sheep waiting to be prodded by my shepherd. I am a lion and I refuse to talk, to walk, to sleep with the sheep. I will hear not those who weep and complain, for their disease is contagious. Let them join the sheep. The slaughterhouse of failure is not my destiny. I will persist until I succeed.” 

  • Og Mandio, The Greatest Salesman in the World.

https://www.amazon.ca/Greatest-Salesman-World-Og-Mandino/dp/055327757X

1:00 – Intro to Karen

  • Aerospace engineer and pilot
  • Successful corporate career, moving around the world while balancing family life.
  • New Book: It’s My Time
  • Helping women be successful at work in a way that lets them live life without regret.
  • Enjoys having a consulting and coaching business and wanted to uplift other women so that they didn’t feel as though they had to compromise their work life for their family or their family for their work life. Wants to show women that they can have both.

4:23 – Pride

  • Pride is not a sin if it’s in correlation with your value.
  • It can become a bad thing if you are using it to judge others or to act as though you are better than others.
  • Pride means confidence and that you are sure of what you are capable of, and what your gifts are.
  • Karen is most proud of her marriage and what it’s done for her family.

5:35 – The importance of family

  • We get caught up in this idea of work, and how important that is that we take for granted the relationships at home.
  • We get so consumed with proving ourselves at work that there are times when our loved ones get left out. Putting home life second becomes a habit, and this can make your family feel less important to you than your work.
  • Talking about how to create a balance with your family is important. Conversations are important to have with your family and your loved ones. This involves working together and listening to one another. Don’t just assume that everything is going to work out okay. Be prepared for difficulties.
  • Don’t just think about yourself in the situation, think about how your work life is going to affect your family and your relationships as well. This leads to successful relationships.

10:09 – How Karen has managed her career and home life

  • It’s not easy, but by putting things in place early on in marriage, Karen has been able to make things work. Having great conversations about what they wanted their futures to look like and their expectations in the marriage has helped a lot.
  • Pre-marriage counselling.
  • Discussing finances. It’s not my money, it’s our money. Not my decision, but our decision. Finances are one of the biggest things that break up marriages.
  • Stop and think about why you’re spending the money.
  • Issues about money, and why it becomes an issue is emotional value. For some people spending money is about security, for some it’s about status, and for others it’s about love, or showing people love. Some might buy gifts to show how much they care about someone if they don’t get to spend time with them.
  • How do you mesh both your former existences of yourself into one?
  • In more recent relationships, there is more distrust. Most couples will keep their finances separate. This can cause resentment and jealousy. If you’re in it for the long haul, you need to provide for both of you equally. Things need to be 50/50 with everything you do.
  • Money conversations can be emotional. People become too focused on how everything is affecting them, and not the other person.
  • Accepting that you need counselling is important. If there’s an issue, you need to get the help and resources that can help you to become a better person to resolve issues. You need to investigate yourself and your own behaviour.
  • Ask your partner for what you need out of the relationship. 

25:28 – Trust

  • For women who have been divorced or who have dealt with failed relationships who are hard working, and very strong tend to have an issue surrounding trust, and they have a lack of trust towards men.
  • This security blanket of independence can become a stranglehold on yourself. You’re putting up a wall for anyone to recognize the gift that we are. You’re not letting anyone seeing how great we are because we’re so caught up in creating barriers. This can prevent you from finding the relationship and the love that is right for you.
  • You can be a strong, capable, confident woman while also being trustful, and letting people in to see who you really are as a person. You need to be able to let people in.
  • Being closed off puts off an aura that gives a message that you’re wounded and needy.
  • The most attractive person in a room, is the one that is willing to meet people and be open to interaction. This shows confidence and that you’re happy exactly as you are and that you don’t need anyone and aren’t looking for a specific person to fulfill them.
  • Join conversations and ask questions.
  • Everyone is always caught up in what people are thinking about them, and everyone has their own agenda in how something is going to benefit them. The person that doesn’t have that mindset or agenda, are the ones that people flock too because they are safer, and easier to talk to.
  • Don’t put on a mask of someone that you’re not. You need to build a genuine character.
  • Be “we” centric, not “me” centric. How can you help others?

33:30 – It’s My Time

  • Focused on figuring out what you want.
  • Being clear on what direction your heading. Not letting someone else’s opinion hold you back
  • Finding work/life balance.
  • Being clear on where you’re going, why you’re getting there and what is going to be the regret if you don’t get there.
  • You need to develop some decision-making platforms that will keep you on the path you won’t regret.
  • Learn to have boundaries and standards of how you interact with other people while maintaining your integrity and keeping you from giving over your power to another people’s opinion.
  • We look at others to validate internally how we feel. It’s all about perception.
  • Women are generally taught to please others and look for validation that way. Women tend to feel a lot more responsible for our circumstances and those around us more often than they care about themselves. They may feel as though they have to prove themselves to other people. Failure to recognize that saying “no” is a big qualifier for being a leader.
  • The only people that we need to please are God, ourselves, and the people that mean the most to us.
  • Don’t care too much about other people’s opinions. Don’t let them influence your decisions or your actions.

44:00 – Friendships, relationships and seeking help

  • Our choices show up what other people view as a failure in their own.
  • If someone isn’t allowing you to talk about what is going to help you, and they are just trying to push you into their space. Their trying to make themselves feel better about their own choices, because they decided not to put the work into fixing something.
  • You need friends and people in your life that are going to ask you hard questions that will help you realize your faults, make you a better person, and help you resolve your problems.
  • Your friends need to work with you to solve their problems.
  • Family and friends may not be the best people to help you solve problems. They may bot be as objective or pointed in the conversation as you need. You may need a coach, mentor or counsellor.
  • Life coaches are available to people on short term.
  • There is help if you’re looking for it. If you choose to just listen to people that are only going to tell you what you want to hear, you aren’t going to really get the help you need.
  • Don’t let your ego get in the way of being the first person in a relationship to accept that you need to change and ask for help. Allow yourself to be the first to apologize.

56:16 – Book Recommendation

  • Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High by: Kerry Patterson and Joseph Grenny

58:33 – Outro

Den of Pride Links:

iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/den-of-pride/id1246916445?mt=2

Facebook: www.facebook.com/groups/1751162245146222

Website: http://denofpride.com/

Karen’s Links:

Website: https://karenmpierce.com/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/coachkarenpierce/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/ItsMyTimeKMP

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/km_pierce/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/KarenMPierce/

Author Link: https://blackcardbooks.com/authors/karen-m-pierce/

Gift from Karen to listeners:  Book for free with cost of shipping, and time to talk with Karen personally. This can be done through her website.

https://karenmpierce.com/lp/imt-launch/

SHOW NOTES – Declan Edwards (EP. 14)

0:00 – Intro Music

0:26 – Affirmation:

“I will persist until I succeed. I was not delivered unto this world in defeat, nor does failure course in my veins. I am not a sheep waiting to be prodded by my shepherd. I am a lion and I refuse to talk, to walk, to sleep with the sheep. I will hear not those who weep and complain, for their disease is contagious. Let them join the sheep. The slaughterhouse of failure is not my destiny. I will persist until I succeed.” 

  • Og Mandio, The Greatest Salesman in the World.

https://www.amazon.ca/Greatest-Salesman-World-Og-Mandino/dp/055327757X

1:00 – Intro to Declan and Confidence Coaching.

  • Confidence Coach
  • BUCoaching: The ‘BU’ stands for “Be You” – the purpose it to show people how to be themselves. The key to confidence coaching.
  • People tend to hide who they truly are by hiding masks and pretending to be someone they’re not. It’s important to not hide you are, and this is vital for building confidence.

3:10- Confidence and “plorking”

  • As kids we had lots of confidence and weren’t afraid of being who we are.
  • We’re all born confidence and we lose that over time
  • It’s important to find a way to enjoy things that we do and find joy in our daily activities even if they are just mundane chores and things that aren’t always enjoyable.
  • Joyful enthusiasm is important
  • “Plorking – playing at work”: Brian Tracy. Infusing fun into the work that you do.
  • Jason Goldberg – “Playful Prosperity”

5:45 – Building Confidence in People

  • Recognize that confidence is a feeling and it comes from within. It isn’t tangible. Sometimes the tangible things that we want are all coming from internal feelings. The tangible things aren’t necessarily going to satisfy those feelings unless you recognize said feelings.
  • Emotional intelligence training can assist people in sorting out their feelings.
  • The outside world does not make us feel certain ways, it’s the way we react to it. Everyone reacts to things differently, and it’s up to you how you feel about something and the importance that you take away from it. Outside influences don’t have to control you.
  • Emotional intelligence is underrated. Everything comes from within first.

9:17 – Building confidence in children at school

  • Emotional intelligence isn’t taught at school. All we’re taught are skills and IQ.
  • We should teach kids the needs of life, how to manage life, how to communicate and how to enjoy life while at work.
  • Instead of always rushing right into work or school, it could be useful to take time to figure out what it is that we want to do with our life. Enjoy life for a bit at first.
  • All change starts with conversation, and questioning if there is a better way of doing things.
  • There’s always a different way, and there’s always potentially a better way.

12:02 – Declan’s Mission

  • Declan hopes to affect a trillion people in the industry with his business and with his message.
  • The greatest gift that we can give people is the ability to be themselves.
  • Saying that he hopes to affect a trillion people, Declan feels that this shows that he wants his platform and his message to be something that can be continued on through multiple generations. By empowering individuals, you create a ripple effect that can be spread on to more people over and over again.
  • Scale doesn’t matter. Your purpose doesn’t have to be grand or ambitious, but it has to be genuine and something that matters to you. You want to give back more than you take in your life.
  • The life is a mix between growing and giving. It’s important to have a balance of both. It’s important to add value to others in while also taking care of your own needs.

18:37 – The Start of BUCoaching, and the importance of finding a coach.

  • Life is always happening for us, not to us.
  • Declan believes there were moments in his life that set him up for what he’s doing now. There are moments in his life that put him on the path to his platform.
  • He was the first male in his family in five generations to not be military or police force. From birth he felt like he was being trained for the military. When he was around 17 years old he went to the military but was turned away because he’s asthmatic. At the time this was devastating for him.
  • He became depressed and would emotionally eat due to stress of no longer knowing what he would do with his life and became overweight. Once he realized he was not longer at a healthy weight, he wanted to change that, however he didn’t work on becoming more confident or changing how he felt about himself, and therefore started losing weight in an unhealthy way. He lost 80 pounds within one year and developed an eating disorder. He was so focused on his image, and not focused enough on his mental and emotional state, he was never happy with his progress. He became too hard on himself and the speed in which his weight loss progressed and kept pushed himself too hard in changing the way he looked. He could never find happiness within himself.
  • It was the love and respect that he had for his mother that pushed him to start getting better because he realized how deeply his condition was affecting his mother. The way he thinks and feels about himself affects not only himself, but the people around him.
  • He needed to be asked what he wanted to be in life.
  • People are always so eager to run away from pain that they never get to pleasure. People are so focused on what they don’t want, they don’t ever think about what they do want.
  • You need to figure out who you are, and what you want for yourself.
  • “Eat the shit that you sell.” If you don’t believe what you’re putting out is good enough for yourself, it’s not goo enough for anyone else.
  • Thriving is internal. It’s how you feel about your life, the external doesn’t matter.
  • Asking for help is important. Looking for a mentor is not a weakness, it’s smart.
  • “Help me” are two powerful words that can change your life.
  • Learning never stops. To be the best, you need a coach to be the best. You don’t have to do things on your own.
  • There are several different methods when it comes to helping people. Whether it be coaching, counselling, or psychology, these are all areas in which they are trying to help people. They can be used together as a combined process, since everyone is different and responds to different things. Fit the process to the person, don’t make the person fit the process. There is not such thing as one band aid solution.
  • “When we care as much about our results in life and happiness as we do about the results of our favourite basketball team, we will hire a coach”
  • John Maxwell “When you find your why, you find your way” – find your motivation, find your reasoning for doing what you do.
  • It’s easy to see all the things that are going wrong, without realizing all the things that are going right. 
  • You can be directed towards change and growth, but it’s ultimately your own decision how you change, and the level of change you achieve.
  • One of the greatest crimes we can commit towards someone is saving them to see. Don’t jump in and save people right away, they need to sit in their struggles and find their own way out, so they can learn and grow on their own. Gives them their own sense of accomplishment and empowerment.
  • Every tragedy is an opportunity.

34:55 – The human brain and emotional survival

  • As human beings we are wired to move away from pain.
  • We become good at avoiding pain and what we don’t want.
  • Your brain’s job is survival not happiness. It will trade happiness for survival. It’s up to you to change yourself so you can find happiness.
  • Emotional surviving – just getting by. Just accepting that “this is just what life is” Don’t just settle for emotional surviving.
  • “Don’t just remove the weeds from the garden. You also have to also plant and water the flowers.”
  • Mission is not to just grow for us, but to learn and grown as a society.

39:39 – Pride

  • People get mistaken between pride and arrogance a lot. It’s a strength to be proud of yourself and not letting yourself get torn down.
  • It’s important to be proud of yourself, but you also need to be humble enough to ask for help.
  • Pride when practiced right is very beneficial not only to us, but also our loved ones. You need to help yourself before you can help others.
  • Pride is self-care.
  • Pride is about noticing what is going well, and what’s right, and what changes you’ve made that you can be proud of. Recognizing how far you’ve come, and what you’ve become.
  • Pride is an aura
  • Declan is most proud of his marriage and relationship with his wife. It’s something they’ve both had to each work on, and they’ve grown a lot as a couple. He’s also proud of the movement he’s created with BUCoaching. He feels it’s more than just as business venture, it’s now a movement that they’ve created.

48:50 – Where can you find Declan?

Website: BUCoaching.org – https://bucoaching.org/

Facebook: BUCoaching – https://www.facebook.com/bu.coaching.org/

Email: grow@BUCoaching.org

51:08 – Outro

iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/den-of-pride/id1246916445?mt=2

Facebook: www.facebook.com/groups/1751162245146222

Website: http://denofpride.com/